The A.Wood’s (Click here for mpeg file) Escape Film.

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In what has undoubtedly become the “Zapruder Film” of Rollerchairball, Rollerchairball Weekly has made public the security camera video of Andrew Wood’s famed and somewhat fabled, escape from the Insane Asylum (otherwise know as the “12 step program”).

For years it has been hotly debated that A. Wood went over the first fence, yet chose to go under the second fence while swerving to avoid rifle (and some say “machine gun”) fire.

Others have claimed that he went under the first and over the second. Some think he tunneled under both and other more far fetched morons claim he simply sprouted wings and flew out of the place. Barring the ability to actually drink RED BULL and thus gain wings, why this last hypothesis persists will remain an enigma to any and all real science minded people.

Even Wood himself trying now years later to recount the strange event was hard pressed to give clear accurate information on the exact route which he took to freedom.

This security camera film which was recently acquired by Rollerchairball Weekly (for an undisclosed amount) should set the record straight by all accounts.

When asked where RCBW came up with the film M. Barone Chief Editor and co-owner of RCBW hinted that the film may have been purchased from a former B-Lock agent who had at one time been on the B-Lock payroll. If the insinuation proves to be true there will certainly be a congressional oversight committee appointed by President Bush to look into the reason why such an important film should go missing for so many years.

When reached by phone earlier today Barone commented from his bungalow in New Guinea, “Well, I can’t go into too many details right now. We will have to see what the President and congress want to do with the information I have about the film missing for so long and all that. There is a stiff possibility that Mr. Lock or one of his henchmen could be looking down the barrel of some serious jail time if this info hits the light of day.”

For now it looks like RCB fans all over the world will have to settle for watching the film and deciding for themselves where it’s been and why it needed to be “washed in alcohol” before anyone could touch it without fear of “contamination”.

In the film Wood is clearly seen running through the surrounding grounds of the asylum. Then there is a brief gap as the security camera operators automatically switched to the second camera position somewhere along the perimeter of the outside fence system. Wood is seen to be hang-dropping over the first fence which bolsters all the rumors that Mary the Black Widow Eckert Woods had some how managed to infiltrate the asylum posing as a nurse and surreptitiously switched off the power to the first electric fence.

How exactly Andrew knew the power was off and the method of communication between Mr. Wood and, then Eckert, now Mrs. Wood remains a mystery which may be answered in the pending congressional hearings.

However when viewing the film a new twist has been added in that contrary to popular belief and even recent testimony by A. Woods himself, (See RCB Weekly Issue 521), Woods did not go under the second fence, but over it! Where the confusion came in after all these years of recounting the story still remains un-answered. However, on the film Woods is clearly seen to duck a bit to go under a third hotline which was probably still electrified which could have been adding to the confusion for all these years.

In the film which has now been published and can be downloaded for free at under the side bar marked “Rollerchairball”, the actual event is played out twice. Once in real time or close to it, and once in a slow motion format which is eerily reminiscent of the Adolph Zapruder film of the JFK assassination.

Clearly this find, although deeply moving and sentimental to A. Woods, is going to just bring up the whole controversy again.

Skeptics are already crying “foul play!” since the film was missing for all these years. Whether or not the controversy actually ends here is something only you can decide for yourselves. At least now the truth can not only be told, but seen and seen in the light of a new day for RCB.

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