St. Michael's Podcast

A SAMPLE
DTS BULLETIN
ANNOUNCEMENT

One of the Dead Theologians Society Chapters once asked me for a sample of a good bulletin announcement. I wrote this specifically for them, and it worked well, or so they told me! So if you can use it feel free to copy it and put in the specific information for your DTS chapter.

TEENS, READ THIS! PARENTS, GIVE THIS BULLETIN ANNOUNCEMENT TO YOUR TEENS!

Do you think church is boring? Be honest! Wouldn’t you rather be at the mall
at a good movie every week?

Have you ever seen any of the “STAR WARS” movies? Did you think it was cool
that Jedi Knights could almost float in mid air?

Did you know that the Catholic Church has made a man named Joseph of
Cupertino a canonized saint? Did you know that the very same Catholic Church
that you attend claims Joseph of Cupertino could FLY?!! No kidding, really,
FLY! He would think about Holy things and he would literally float into the
air. Sometimes kind of low and other times very high in the air.

Did you know that Hollywood is fake, that is, the great flying, floating,
treetop moves you might have seen in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” are
all done with computers and basic trick photography? Yes of course you knew
that, but you still thought it was neat, didn’t you? If you are a computer
buff you could probably explain exactly how Hollywood does it with green
screens and matt photography.

Now ask yourself, seriously, how did Joseph of Cupertino do it? How did he
fly? Are you skeptical? Did you know he flew many times it in front of many
different witnesses, even in front of a bishop? How did he do it? Think
about it. No cameras, no computer green screens, no safety lines and
rigging. He just thought about Holy things and flew! It is true! According
to the authority of the same “Boring” Catholic Church you are attending.

Did you know that some Saint’s bodies never decayed when they died? Even
after hundreds of years? Some of them roll from side to side as if they were
just sleeping, or open their eyes and look at people who are in the room.

Did you know that the Catholic Church teaches that the Eucharist is the
Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ? Not just a symbol. That
little host is actually God! Did you know that there is a Eucharistic
Miracle where a host visually turned to flesh and blood during the
consecration? Again this is bonifide by the same “Boring” Catholic Church
that you attend. This miracle happened over 400 years ago. There are even
scientific tests, which have been done on it to prove it is authentic. Recent
scientific tests, done by non-believers and believers alike. Tests that show
the 400 year old consecrated host is living human heart muscle, still alive,
no rigor mortis or decay. Who says this is true? The same ruling authority
of the “Boring” Catholic Church you attend week in and week out! That is
who!

Did you know that the Catholic Church believes that we “become present” at
the Jesus’ death on the cross at every single mass we attend? Remember the
old “Back to the Future Movies” where they time travel? Doesn’t this belief
sound a little like that? Yes, the “Boring” Catholic Church teaches that you
are “Present” at Jesus’ death on the cross at each and every mass, no matter
how “Boring” it may seem!

Why is it we enjoy watching what we know is fake, trick photography, and
computer animation, but we find it “Boring” to be present at an actual
miracle? In light of these things who is really boring and who is really
pretty cool?

If these type of questions intrigue you, and you’re interested in hearing more
mind blowing Truths. Check out the Dead Theologian’s Society this (insert
date here________). We are a group for teens that are tired of Hollywood’s
cheap imitations. We will tell you about the lives of the Saints and how the
miracles worked by God through them will blow away any cheap trick
photography you have ever seen. And we will show you exactly why the Roman
Catholic Church is anything but “Boring”. You have our word on it, but more
importantly, you have God’s word on it! Be there!